There’s a part of me that hesitates every time I think about making vows to the Lord. Deep down, I know how weak and fragile I can be. Sometimes, I get so excited about doing things for God, full of passion and motivation, but it doesn't last. All too quickly, that initial burst of energy fades away, leaving me feeling discouraged. I often wonder why it’s so hard for me to stay committed, especially when it comes to promises I want to make to God.
There are days when I look back and feel like I’ve wasted so much time—days where it feels like I didn’t accomplish anything meaningful. My mind is full of good intentions, but turning those thoughts into action seems to be my biggest struggle. I get caught up in the frustration of knowing what I should do, but not having the strength or perseverance to do it. And sometimes, I start to question: Is this why our family hasn’t been blessed financially? Could it be that I’m somehow holding myself back, not just in finances, but in other areas of my life too?
One of the biggest areas I question is our homeschooling journey. I often find myself wondering, Is it not as successful as it could be because of me? Maybe it’s my inconsistency, my lack of follow-through, or the way I lose steam too easily that’s affecting our progress. When those thoughts creep in, it’s hard not to feel like I’m failing, not just financially, but in my role as a mother and educator to my children.
My Hesitation in Making Vows
This struggle makes me hesitant to make any kind of vow to God. I fear the weight of making a promise and then breaking it. I know how frail I am—how quickly I get tired or lose focus. The fear of letting God down is overwhelming. But amid all of this fear and uncertainty, there’s one thing I keep asking of God: no matter what happens, please don’t let go of me.
You see, I know that if it were up to me to hold on to God, I would eventually let go, especially when life gets hard. I’ve seen myself stumble during difficult times, wanting to give up when things don’t go as planned. That’s why my prayer has always been, “Lord, please don’t let go of me, even when I’m ready to let go of You.” Because I know that in my weakness, I might lose my grip. But God, in His infinite mercy and love, never loses His grip on me.
Struggling with Business and Financial Woes
Another area where I feel this struggle intensely is in my attempts to improve our financial situation. Over the years, I’ve tried starting small businesses, hoping to contribute to our family’s income and alleviate some of the financial stress we constantly face. But time and time again, I fail. I pour my energy into these ventures, but before long, I lose motivation, become overwhelmed, and eventually give up. It’s a pattern I’ve seen over and over in myself.
The disappointment from these failed attempts is overwhelming. I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve let my family down because I haven’t been able to help my husband improve our financial situation. The weight of this burden rests heavily on my heart, and I often find myself questioning my abilities, wondering why I can’t seem to succeed in something that would make things better for us.
It’s frustrating to feel like every effort I make leads to another dead end, and with each failure, it becomes harder to start again. I want so badly to contribute and ease the financial strain, but my own limitations seem to hold me back. This sense of failure often creeps into other areas of my life, especially homeschooling, leaving me questioning if I’m truly capable of success in any aspect of our lives.
Finding Strength Beyond Myself
As I reflect on these struggles, I’m slowly learning that my walk with God isn’t about my strength or how perfectly I fulfill my promises. It’s about relying on His strength. Yes, I am frail. Yes, I get weary, and yes, I often fall short of the things I want to do. But God’s grace fills in all those gaps.
When I question why financial blessings haven’t come, or why our homeschooling journey feels less successful, I remind myself that maybe God is teaching me something deeper. Maybe He is reminding me that true blessings aren’t always about money or outward success. Perhaps He is guiding me to see that the real blessing lies in trusting Him fully and surrendering my fears, doubts, and failures to His hands.
Choosing Faith Over Fear
So now, I choose to face my fears, not by avoiding making promises to God, but by trusting in His grace to help me keep them. I’m learning to pray with more faith: “Lord, even when I fail, help me trust in Your strength. Hold onto me when I am too weak to hold onto You. Keep me faithful, not because I’m strong, but because You are.”
This journey isn’t easy. There are still days when I feel like I’ve done nothing worthwhile, days when I question my worth as a homeschooling mom or doubt my ability to be financially blessed. But I’m learning to surrender even those days to God. I am learning that my value and success aren’t measured by worldly standards, but by my faithfulness to God, even in the smallest things.
Trusting God with the Journey
If you are like me, feeling afraid to make vows to God because of your weaknesses, I want to encourage you. It’s okay to feel that fear, but don’t let it hold you back. God knows your heart, and He knows your struggles. He doesn’t expect perfection from you. What He desires is a willing heart—a heart that trusts Him even in its frailty.
Let’s walk this journey together, learning to rely on God’s strength rather than our own. Let’s trust that He will never let go of us, even when we feel like we’re slipping. His love for us is stronger than our weaknesses, and His grace is greater than our fears.
Final Thoughts
Yes, I may have moments of doubt, and I may still struggle with feelings of inadequacy in our homeschooling or question why our family hasn’t been financially blessed. But one thing I know for sure: God is with me in every step of the journey. He’s there in the moments when I feel strong, and He’s there even more when I feel weak. And that gives me hope to keep moving forward.
So I will continue to pray, trusting that even when I falter, God’s grip on my life will never fail. Through this, I’m learning that real success and real blessing aren’t about how well I hold onto God, but about how faithfully He holds onto me.
May this reflection encourage you to trust God, even in your weaknesses. He will never let go of you, and His grace is more than enough.
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