The Way of the Will: Teaching Our Children to Make the Right Choices

 

In parenting and homeschooling, we often face the challenge of helping our children learn to make wise decisions. One of the key ideas from Charlotte Mason’s educational philosophy is “The Way of the Will.” It’s an essential concept that helps guide children in building strong character and moral self-management. But what does this mean for us as parents? Let’s break it down and make it practical, so we can inspire our children to live better, more intentional lives.

What is the Will?

In simple terms, the will is the power within each of us to choose. We might think our daily lives are filled with choices, but often we go through the motions—getting up, dressing, eating, working—without really choosing anything. Many of our decisions are influenced by habits or outside expectations. True will is more than just getting through the day; it’s about making purposeful choices that shape our character.

Character is the most valuable outcome of any education, and character is built when we teach our children to consciously choose between what they want and what they should do. Teaching our kids to develop their will means giving them the tools to choose wisely, even when no one is looking, and to be strong enough to turn away from things that might not be good for them.

Teaching the Difference Between “I Want” and “I Will”

A key point in “The Way of the Will” is helping children understand the difference between saying I want and I will. As parents, we hear our children say I want all the time. I want candy, I want to watch TV, I want to play instead of doing schoolwork. But teaching them to say I will involves more than just saying no to their wants.

When children say I will, they are making a choice. They are deciding to turn their minds away from their immediate desires and focus on something more important. They may still want the candy, but they can choose to say I will wait until after dinner.

This small shift teaches children self-control and builds their character over time. We need to guide them to make these decisions in a way that feels empowering, not like punishment. Charlotte Mason encourages us to remind children that if they find it hard to stop thinking about what they want, they can distract themselves by doing something else—something fun or interesting. After a break, they’ll often return to their work with new energy.

The Importance of Willpower in a World of Distractions

We live in a world full of distractions and suggestions. From television to advertisements, to what other people are doing or saying, it’s easy for our children to follow the crowd without thinking. But what we want for them is the ability to choose for themselves, to build their own moral compass, and to develop the strength of character that comes from acting with intention.

In today’s society, many people fall into the habit of letting others make decisions for them. Whether it’s what to wear, what to think, or even what to value, the will is often weak because the effort to make choices is seen as too much work. But we as parents and teachers have the responsibility to help our children learn that making decisions, even small ones, strengthens their will.

Charlotte Mason tells us that children should be encouraged to see that life is full of opportunities to choose between ideas. It’s not just about making choices between material things—like picking between two toys—but about choosing the right ideas to follow. Are they choosing kindness over selfishness? Are they choosing effort over laziness? Every time they make a choice, they grow stronger in their will.

Why Failure is Necessary

One of the most important lessons we can teach our children is that failure is part of learning. When they make a choice and it doesn’t go as planned, they learn from it. Willpower isn’t about always succeeding. It’s about the strength to keep choosing, even when things don’t go right the first time.

The great people we read about in history didn’t become great because they never failed. They became great because they had the willpower to keep choosing to do the right thing, even when it was difficult. They learned from their mistakes, adjusted their course, and tried again. This is a lesson our children need to absorb deeply.

Making the Choice to Obey

Another crucial part of building willpower in our children is teaching them obedience. But this isn’t about forcing them to follow rules blindly. Obedience should come from a place of choice. When a child chooses to obey, they are exercising their will in a powerful way. It’s not about just doing what they’re told; it’s about recognizing that they have the power to make that decision for themselves.

Over time, this builds a habit of obedience that isn’t just about pleasing others but about doing what’s right because it aligns with their internal sense of responsibility and purpose. This is where true character is formed.

The Power to Choose is in Our Hands

As parents, especially in a homeschooling environment, we play a vital role in shaping our children’s ability to will, to choose, and to build character. We are not just helping them get through the day or complete their lessons; we are guiding them to become people of strong character who know how to make decisions for themselves and stand by them.

It might feel overwhelming at times, but every day offers small moments to help our children grow in willpower. From teaching them to distinguish between I want and I will to encouraging them to keep trying after failure, we are giving them tools that will serve them for the rest of their lives.

Let’s inspire our children to become the best versions of themselves, one small choice at a time. They have the potential to be strong, independent, and full of purpose—and it all begins with understanding the power of their own will.